Since It's Sunday...

5 Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His newly-appointed disciples in his cabinet came to him, 2and he began to teach them, saying:

3Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for soon they will not have Social Security benefits.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for their children are carrying out my illegal war.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will be cracked down upon at the next anti-WTO summit.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst
for righteousness,
for they will be the benefactors of faith-based programs
that will reap them profit.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be deemed anti-American.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
as their Internet service providers aren't being secretly tapped yet.
9Blessed are the warmongers,
for they are the children of Heaven.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted
for they are "illegal combatants", "liberals",
and those who seek equal status under the law.
11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against Fox News, hate-mongering Christian evangelicals, homophobes, and energy companies because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward come April 15, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

The Gospel According to George, Chapter V. 1-12


an unfortunate and cynical reworking of one of my favorite passages of the New Testament, but something that was prophecized in 2000 and is coming true. See you in church.